They gave me a tablet to bring on my pregnancy and told me to come back on tuesday, i couldn't believe i had to go home still pregnant but knowing my baby was dead, i could only cry when i was alone, my mam had to go and by an outfit for Neive on the Monday for her to be dressed in, i already had a wardrobe full of clothes for her but i thought they would all be too big, we all thought Neive would be tiny. I went back on tuesday and they told me it would definatly be over by the end of the day, they said i could have whatever drugs i needed as it would be easier for me to get through. From the begining of the pregnancy i had decided i wanted the birth to be as natural as prossible but now things had changed, i didn't want to feel anything so i had diamorphine, which in a way helped, people stayed with me all day and we watched tv and even joked as it all didnt seem real, it got to about 6pm when they came in and told me it wasn't going to happen until the next day, i couln't believe it, the longer they left it the worse neive would have detereated, i wanted her to stay just the way she was. It got the wednesday and still nothing had happened until about 2pm when my contractions started to come all at once barely giving me a chance to breath, i had only been 2cm dilalated about half an hour before, at this point the drugs had wore off and the gas and air didnt work, my mam, dad, sister and ryan at the hospital but i wouln't let my dad and ryan in the room while i was giving birth, i feel awful about this now, my sister and mam were so brave, they were so strong staying with me through the labour, after an hour which felt like a day i gave birth to Neive at 3.10pm, she was 19 inches long and she was half an ounce off 7lb, the physical pain was forgotten in seconds, but the pain inside will always be there. We held her but now i regret not holding her enough i will never get that chance again.